(via thebestoftumbling)
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my mom told me not to talk to strangers
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2019-01-27
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This booby trapped meth house
This is why we sometimes run up the stairs on all fours
(via odin-n-out)
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how did jk manage to write ootp and not come to the conclusion that the only career w any true meaning for harry james potter was as a goddamn professor at hogwarts like how do u write the da scenes and say “nah he’d want to be a wizard cop”
#just let him dress in warm sweaters and have tea with neville in the staff room and help first years #harry james potter as hogwarts longest serving defense against the dark arts teacher fucking fight me (@batcii)
#but it would be so perfect??? #bc it would help normalize his life so much #like there would just be this generation of kids who are like #‘ugh who cares that he killed the dark lord he gAVE US HOMEWORK OVER BREAK’ #like the beginning of every year there would be the new first years who would freak out a little #but then it would calm down #and most of the students would literally forget #until like clockwork the fifth years would have their history of magic class on the second war #and they’d all show up to DADA looking a little awestruck and everyone would be extra quiet #and harry would give this kind of annoyed sigh—except it’s fake bc he TOTALLY knew this was coming #bc binns is a bro and he totally gives him a heads up every year #and harry wouldn’t have any lesson plans for the day and instead he would just sit at the front of the room and answer everyone’s questions #but otherwise everyone would just be like ‘professor potter!! i can’t get my patronus to work! help me!’ #and like they’d go home at the end of the year or for break and their parents—who ARE still starstruck by harry james potter #would pester their kids with questions#and the kids would just be like ‘merlin i don’t know?? potter’s such a huge dork you should hear him talk about proper wand movements’ #but they would all love him #and he would feel safe and normal and utterly accepted #AND I NEED THIS IN MY LIFE (via @cinematicnomad)
Not to mention it would be an ultimate Fuck You to Voldemort, who put a curse on the teaching position in the first place.
Like, Jo, I don’t want to tell you how to do your job, but COME ON
I already queued this but also, you do this, but still have Ginny become a famous Quidditch player. Imagine the first time Harry gets called “Ginny’s husband” before “the boy who lived” or “the chosen one.” Imagine how fucking pleased he’d be.
Imagine the first time a student comes up to him looking starry-eyed and Harry’s thinking “Oh no” because he doesn’t want to talk about Voldemort or the war but instead this little eleven year old is like “ARE YOU REALLY MARRIED TO WEASLEY FROM THE HOLLYHEAD HARPIES???!?? WHAT’S SHE LIKE?” and he’s like “oh thank god” because he could talk about Ginny all day.
Yes. Good.
Actually, all three of them should have become professors. Hermione would have become Headmistress, of course–youngest Headmistress of Hogwarts ever, and the only one willing to turn the portraits of her predecessors to the wall if they gave her too much lip about her efforts to modernize the curriculum. (She probably started as Transfiguration professor after McGonagall became Headmistress, but it wouldn’t surprise me if McGonagall was grooming her for the Headmistress job all along.)
And Ron took over as flying instructor for Professor Hooch; everyone thinks he’s an easy A because he’s so mellow and silly and hands out candy for good performances and his brother and sister sometimes visit the class to show off some of their old Quidditch moves and give away Wizard Wheezes to the best fliers, and it’s not until they talk to someone else from a different school or era that they realize that flying is actually really difficult to learn and Ron just found ways to slip all the teaching in under the fun so that they didn’t even notice. Things that seemed like silly tricks or goofy jokes turned out to be mnemonics for complex maneuvers, and of course nobody ever wanted to skip a class under his tutelage.
thisTHIS
Okay all other canon epilogues can go home, this is the best.
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2018-08-21
whenever a young kid joins our staff at work im just like huh. guess im a father now.
these kids will be like “can you drive me home? i don’t have gas money but-” and im already pullin out my keys and am like. sweetheart, you are a child. i am not charging a child gas money.
i literally almost lunged across the counter to throw hands with some old hag who yelled at and insulted one of our 16 y/o girls but instead i threw her sandwich at her and told her to never fucking come back
old dudes will flirt with our young girls too and i’ll be like ay man this is a truck stop, normal customer service rules dont apply here. i can and will call the cops on you.
im the only manager that actively tells them to steal food because these are teenagers and they are HUNGRY
you’re doing the lord’s work
(via odin-n-out)
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2018-08-12
Cher doing a whole ABBA album has honestly made me jump a whole 1.0 up the Kinsey scale
(via civilwhore)
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Close your eyes and listen
I wish this video was 6 hours long
this is literally my favorite video ive ever seen on tumblr
…it’s hypnotic…
ALSO- I’m glad this is my second most successful tumblr post. A little background about this video: I took it the day there was the nuclear missile threat while I was on Oahu. That morning, I thought it was my last day on earth and I was about to meet my impending death by nuclear missile. After the island was notified that the alert was actually false (mind you it also took them THIRTY-EIGHT minutes to tell us it was fake) my friends and I drove to Costco, bought a bunch of snacks and fruits, and spent the entire day at this beach. We didn’t talk much, as the concept of life and death was all across our minds. I swam in the water during the sunset, and had just gotten out to record the last light rays that remained. This video reminds me how precious life is and how I will always remember that feeling
(via fuckyahumor)
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These people went from lifting chips to pulling off some action movie shit
This is the most Chaotic Neutral thing I’ve ever seen.
(via fuckyahumor)
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2018-07-27
Goosebumps!
YOU BETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTERRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHERE THE ALBUM?!
@ MALE SINGERS TAKE FUCKING NOTES!
Wow this is so beautiful I️m crying
(via humorstar)
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me: oh yeah i’ll watch [insert mega popular easily-accessed netflix thing] at some point
me:
(via teenscoolest)
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2018-07-21
(via humorstar)